Wednesday, 30 March 2011

I Used To Think He Was My Good Luck Charm... No, He Was Always A Curse

Yesterday, the xBF actually drove down to Uxbridge! And he just wanted to sit in his car and talk. I was really frustrated soon as I got in his car for various reasons. One, I wasn''t even expecting him to come, and then when I just saw his car parked outside the flat it really annoyed me, because he was just there. Now. When I felt nothing for him. I used to sometimes look out of my window wishing for his car to just appear and turn into my road, and all that longing and all that dissappointment, and i got nothing from him then! And now when I don't even need him, want him, he's there, just waiting for me. I was so annoyed. I didn't want him there, and I told him so. I told him that I didn't want to make it work, but then he got all upset and told me to go up to the flat then. And despite me not wanting to be with him, I couldn't let him leave feeling like that, so I stayed. And he kissed me, and I kissed him back and I slept with him. Just because once all the formalities were out of the way, it was nice just to have man taking care of me, and having a man's arms around me keeping me safe. I crave that feeling of being wanted. Today he bbm'd me telling me he missed me, and I didn't feel anything for him. I know that I could feel something for him if I tried, but he isn't worth the energy, or the risk of being hurt again. Being this indifferent towards him is soo much more safer. And I've tried telling him this, but he assumes that he can get me anytime he wants to. I don't think that he understand s that I've moved on from him.

Anyway so I slept with him, and so today was likely to be cursed. And it was. I went to the library to start work and Sam started to talking to me on skype. Turned out it was his ex girlfriend who claims to be his "wife" who was having a go at me about how I'm a whore and girls like me give asian girls a bad name, and how no girls should be talking to him. I found it rather funny, until I went to tell Sam only to find out he's deleted me from bbm. I called him and asked him, and he says...
"I don't want any trouble, my ex she's crazy and I'm not going to talk to you anymore!"
Then Daniel comes down and says he's going to sort things out, and he sort of did, but now Sam's being all weird with me, won't talk to me won't sit next to me. He's such a drama queen, and the boys went out to get food and didn't ask me to go with them, and went they decided to leave they didn't ask if I wanted a lift home. So no more me Sam and Daniel trips. Kind of sucks, because I can't even be myself around the any more. I just hate how things are going at the moment. And it's all his fault.

Primark boy called me today as well randomnly. But told me not go down tomorrow because he has too much work on, and said even if I did come down I couldn't stay the night. I had messaged him just before I saw the Ex, and he never replied. But he had replied it's just my What's app wasn't working properly. But yeah, I don't think he's as interested as I'd like him to be :(

Things can only get better right?

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