Tuesday, 19 April 2011

If Only

Daniel called me today, with more problems with his on again off again girlfriend. He wants to break up with her, because she's annoying him by hanging around with guys that are her mates from uni and living her life. Its a lose lose situation for her, because last time they had a row, he wantd her to talk to him about what she does in the day and who she's going out with, just so he knows. Now she's doing that and he doesn't like it.

Thing is I understand where he's coming from. He wants to be the only man in her world. And he's scared that her being "exposed" to all these guys, she might fall for someone else, and he's afraid of giving her everything because he might end up getting hurt. And I was like that with me ex to an extent. I made him my everything and made him feel secure in a relationship. And I wanted no-one but him.On top of that he thought she was that girl, and now to adapt to someone as they change is the hardest time because you feel like your losing them. When my ex started changing I held on harder. It was either that or let go, and I wasn't ready then to let go.

But I know Daniel is falling in love with this girl. Yes, his other mates are right, he can do better than her, but it's not about looks. I know from the way he's talked about her that he feels something for her that he's found in no other girl. He should be with her, because she does what needs to be done for a healthy relationship, and that's enough distance and enough time apart, so that the time together is that much more special. I think. I don't know what they are like together. I'm just assuming.

His fears hold him back. Talking to him it sounded like he just wanted to end it. He seems to have already made up his mind. I told him he was being unreasonable, and tried to make him see things from her side. He just wasn't having any of it, going on about how she wasn't respecting him and how she knows what he's like and should think of the consequences of her actions. I told him he was unfair for asking her to change her ways so much. He's going to lose her the way he's going. Bottom line is if he thought she was worth the risk. It's him that needs to change in that relationship. He needs to trust and get past his insecurities.

Only thing was, when he was telling me what he wanted from her, there was a small tiny voice in my head saying I can do all these things for you, that you want. It was saying tell him, tell him you can do it. Tell him you can be that girl!!

But like I said I can spot rejection a mile off. Whats the point of being honest and tell him directly how I feel about him and risk our friendship? I'm not fucking stupid. So I just focused on giving him good adivce that benefited him the most because that's what good friends do. And since that's all I'm ever going to be to him I, I might as well do that good and properly. Wish I was in Uxbridge today :(

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