Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Trapped. Housebound.

Being at home for this long is suffocating. This feeling of always being watched, I bloody hate it. I came down in the morning today to watch a bit of Gilmore Girls and my Gran started questioning what I was doing sitting there if I have loads of studying to do, and started asking me to take her to shops etc if I had nothing better to do. It's such beautiful weather outside and I just sit in my room with me trackies and jumper on, and leave the window open for the warmth to come in. Sitting in the garden in just uncomfortable, my bum gets numb after a while, and the noise from next doors garage just does my head in. Not that I can escape that even if I'm in my room. I was dying my mum hair when she got back from work today, and my gran coems aout and exclaims how I seem to find time to do that but not any time to do the housework. If I want to go somewhere, it's just a million questions. In a way I'm kind of looking forward to going work just so I can enjoy the sun in those two hours I'm travelling.

I get paid tomorrow hopefully! Money problems can finally be over for a bit now. I wanted to get my haircut really short, but mum's made it pretty clear that I'm not allowed. I've been telling myself that I wanted to do it since last month. I need a change. A new me and a new haircut to go with the new me. And now I just have to make do with my long locks and find something original to do with it. Hmm Nvm I can buy myself a nice dress tomorrow, maybe i'll still get it cut and pout some colour into it. OR maybe not, I owe Daniel money for the Jeans and £50 to mum. OR no Sorry thats £55. Oh and £5 to my manager at work. I'm finally able to sit in the peace of my garden, now that everyone else has settled down to watch a nice bollywood film, and the garage next door has shut. I miss Uxbridge so much. Just to be able to not worry about anyone else is doing is just amazing. In the summer, everyday I'm going to do something different, go places and just chill and enjoy places in London that I didn't really know existed. Do voluntary work in as many different places as possible.

I miss Helen. Eventhough she's hardly ever with me, I just miss her calming presence. Norman I don't miss so much yet. He's quite hard to live with, his sarcastic comments and his constant run of dissing me is really wearing sometimes. He never used to be like that, but since I started hanging out with Sam and Daniel his attitude towards me kind of changed. Now he just tries to diss me any opportunity he gets. And I know he's joking, but beneath it I don't think he likes me very much. But that's okay, he seems like one of those guys that thinks everyone seeks his acceptance But I don't. I care for them both very much regardless of what they think of me. But I'm glad to not have to listen to his relentless jokes, usually about me, all the time. But it's not worth what I have to put up with here. Here I have to endure my own family take "taking the piss" to a whole other level.

And I thought I would have got more revision done, whilst I'm at home. It was the whole point. I'll have you know that if anything I've done less work here. Frustrated.

No comments:

Post a Comment