Wednesday, 13 April 2011

"You Only Fall In Love Once" - Well to that extent anyway... W T F?

Daniel is such a behaviourist! I have soo much to tell you guys about today! I don't even know where to start, but the beginning is always a good place. So right, Daniel called me to go to the library today, and it was the same old shizzle. Go for food, driving around blah blah blah. Got to the library and everything was quite normal until Sam decided to go home and sleep. Me and Daniel actually attempted to do some work, until he said something so outrageous, I couldn't not argue it.

"I can never be with a girl who has been in love before." With a look of pure shock and horror, I ask him why. He replied "Because she will never feel about you the same way she did with her first love" Which is total and utter bullshit. Because to be fair right, I've been daydreaming about what it'll be like to be with a guy. Like I'd be walking down the street with my headphones in, and I'd think hmm if I had a boyfriend I'd be walking hand in hand with him or I'd kick him and run! Lol But I would have never thought, hey you know what, I love you but my last boyfriend was a dick, so you must be the same way, so I'm going to love you less and never trust you completely and always doubt your intentions and never ever feel the same sort of love for you.

And I couldn't argu with him at the time, because I couldn't find a way to argue my point to him without him twisting it and forving his views on me. But after a good old conversation with Helen, it's more clear to me that I'm right. He is an idiot. He has never been in love and there his is passing judgment on the matter. I know that when I fall in love again, (clearly not with him the cynical and cocky idiot that he is) I will not let my past relationship interfere into my current relationship. For arguments sake, lets say by some freak chance I did get with Daniel, and he did treat me right. Yes I would be questioning if he's cheating on me at first, not because my ex slept around in freshers week, but because I know what he's like with other girls. But then I wouldn't need him to reassure me, because I already have got to know him, and I knew what I was getting myself in to and that I had decided the risk was worth taking, and so I can't really hold that against him. And furthermore, I could reassure myself because I know that  he does have good self control (I must admit) and that despite everything he wouldn;t actually cheat on me. This is all hypothetical ofcourse. I'm just giving an example. Furthermore, I wouldn't fall in love with him, till we had been going out with for a while and  I knew that I was safe in that relationship.

What he doesn't understand is that Love isn't a half way thing. and that feeling of being complete and whole is so interlinked with that it cannot be seperated from the other. In your first ever relationship where you fall in love, it's not acutally love, because you don't actually know what you want. You just want the ideal. Speaking from experience of my previous relationship, it was only when things went wrong that I realised that the important things in a relationship wasn't being in eachother's faces all the time, but rather being able to go back to eachother at anytime, when you want to leave the rest of the world behind and just find comfort in eachother. And just knowing that your other half will alway be there for you is worth more to me than any Tiffany bracelet or romantc weekend away (though they would still be very lovingly appreciated). Love is being able to trust someone enough for you to give them your all.

He put across his argument by seperating love, Giving someone your all and the feeling of being complete as three seperate entities. But when you fall in love nothing else matters, and how can he possibly understand it, if he's never been subject to the stupid ways in which love overrules common sense? He'll come to realise it himself. But the way he was talking about his girlfriend, they really do seem to have something special, and I wouldn't want to get in between all that. The way he was talking about her it seems very clear to me that he's in love. If anything that conversation was just a wake up call, that this was never designed to be easy. I was under false impressions from previous experience that I would always have a guy to be with, but somewhere along the lines, I fell back into being the unoriginal typical indian girl. I need to get back my individuality that set me apart from girls like that. Maybe I'm just trying too hard. I know that the old me would never ever have gone after Daniel, because he had his girl. But, there's just something about his stupid self that takes away all sense of reason.

He did say one thing though that really got to me. He said that everytime you get into a relationship with someone, the next relationship you'll feel less complete because you'll have more doubts. At the time what he said to me made sense, beacuse he's one of those people that will turn whatever argument you have and turn it on its head so that your point now somehow magically supports his point. Which is just stupid now, because if anything, each relationship will make you love more, and appreciate more. They say that everything happens for a reason, and for a long time I've been questioning why the past 5 years had happened. The answer being because I had to have that bad relationship so that I didn't miss it when something good came along. And maybe Daniel who argues that trying that extra bit harder to prove to a girl done wrong by her ex that he's going to treat her exactly right is just not worth it, maybe just isn't the type of guy that I want to invest my time in after all.

Anyway, getting back on the playing field is a process, and skipping steps will give you a very shitty result. I have to find out who I am first. Backtracking. Fast.

4 comments:

  1. It's like saying you can never fully enjoy eating ice cream again after the first time. The fact is, the thirst returns, and you enjoy it just as much the next time. So it is with love. The feeling returns, and you embrace it body and soul.

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  2. Your friend is right and wrong. You may never feel the way about subsequent loves as you did about your first love, but that doesn't mean you'll never love as much as you did the first time. Your first true love will always be different because it was the first time that you felt that way and that is exciting. Yet, each time those feeling bubble up again the circumstances will be different and there will be a new excitement in the air. My wife is not my first love, but she is the person I've loved the most in my life.

    One reason I disagree with your friend is that being with someone who has never loved before can be a bad thing. Love can scare people and make them do stupid things. I'd rather be with someone who has been through it once or twice, has experienced the joy of the good times and has gone through a heartache or two. Those are the people who know how to handle love and all the wonderful and sometimes painful things that go with it. Like anything, the more you have loved the better you are at giving love and accepting it.

    Lastly, and I don't mean this to be an attack, but I think your friend's view sound like a self defense mechanism. The only reason I can see for not wanting to be with someone who has loved before is a feeling if inadequacy, a feeling of not being able to measure up to those who came before. Whether it stems from lack of self esteem or jealousy, feelings like this aren't healthy, IMHO. He needs to realize that if someone is in a relationship with him that they recognize something special in him and that's all that matters. The past is the past. Enjoy what life gives you in the present and let the rest go. Don't put rules and regulations on how and when you are allowed to be happy. life is too short.

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  3. I agree with you totally. Love cannot be explained, and I attempted yet again to explain to him the ways in which love rules all. I have never thought to tihnk of his point of view as way of protecting himself. But that's made me think. And it makes the most sense, and maybe made me see him in a different light. I'm not going to push my point of view on him further, I don't think, He'll deal with his own point of views when he finally opens his mind and sees it for himself.

    For now he still stands by the fact that love is an experience that gets worse each time you go through it.

    I've accepted there's nothing I can say to him until he falls in love himself. Or maybe he has already been in love, he's just scared of acknowledging it. He is most certainly a commitmentphobe.

    I'm just relieved that atleast I'm not the only one to think he's insane for thinking this, and most people have similar views to me on love :)

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  4. Hey great work and wonderfully put in the words.

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