Monday, 23 May 2011

Dreams - Your deepest desires

I forgot to say, I had a dream about Daniel. And it was one of those dreams where I did not want to wake up, because everything was  just so damn perfect. I remember it was raining and we were in a school type of environemnt, or something insitutional, because I remember there being buildings, and having to walk around them like we do on campus. And we were in a classroom, a drama studio I think, because the walls were all black. Anyway at some point we were walking out together and it was raining, and we had rowed about something, so I was getting drenched in the rain. And out of nowhere he had an umbrella and he came up behind me and pressed his body up against mine, hugging me, letting me know that the row was over, and pulling me close to him so we were both protected from the rain. I love it when guys hug me from behind, I feel so protected. I always had to beg my ex to do it and he used to hate it and complain, until it became not worth it to even ask. That moment when I was in his arms it was so blissful. But in my dream, eventhough it was him, he had the personality of Edward from Twilight. and unlike mot girls who see Edward as their ideal boyfriend, I prefer Jacob, who's a little bit more easy going, likes to live life. And Jacob is equal to Bella, unlike Edward, to whom she looks up to and feels undeserved of him. She had tochange to feel she was worth it. For JAcob she wouldn't have had to. And Daniel in my dream was being all Edwardy, being mad at me because I did something he didn't approve of, and I felt angry at myself for letting him down. Which I often do everytime, he calls me useless. Which I hate about myself! Wish I could just tell him that he was the one that was useless.

Anyway a boy thast I knew from secondary school got back in touch with me recently. Lets call him Bernard. He could be a Bernard. He was one of those boys, that wasn't a geek, but was work focused, but he wasn't one of the cool dossers who wasted their lives away. He was very much into his football and plays COD and all of that shizzle. He used to have a girlfriend but she broke his heart. Anyway I've been talking to him quite a bit, and while he isn't the type of guy I would usually fall for, he's really honestly caring. He has the personality, and I can't really find any fault against him to say that he would be bad for me, unlike Daniel where I can see loads. He's hinted at being my boyfriend soo many times, and asks me questions that really makes me further question my identity and who I have become. But I don't know if I'm considering being with him because he's the only one showing me affection. Like I don't know if I want to settle for second best, eventhough he might be better than Daniel, but right now in my head, I can't see past Daniel. To me he's what I want. It's not fair to even compare the two guys, and I've refrained from thinking that fair ahead, but that doesn't stop me doing it unconsciously. He's coming down on Wednesday to sit and "talk" to me about everything, in terms of his ex and other stuff. He really seems to want to get some stuff of his chest.

Daniel said he would come see me after work today. Then he didn't. Again. Why I bother is beyond me. Maybe Bernard would be better for me. Maybe neither of them are good for me. It's not fair on Bernard to settle for him because he was availabe. Would I be happy saying yeah he's my superman? Let's see shall we?? Im going to have some scrummy tomato soup now :) nom nom nom

P.S. Check my Dream diary blog Dream Splog :) Thanks xx

No comments:

Post a Comment