Bernard told me he loved me Tuesday night. He told me that he never anticipated any of this. But now he's in love with me. And yes I totally freaked out, What did he expect? For me to be thrilled with the news that he's in love with me? It's insane. How can he even say he's in love with me? That's not love, its lust and whatever else. You can't love someone so quickly like that. We weren't even frikin going out, how the fuck would he know if he loved me? We had agreed to take things slow, and here he is falling in love. Because I reacted so badly he's decided to take a 4 week break from me. I haven't heard from him since. So guess he really doesn't love me after all. Getting on with his life and probably forgetting my existence. Well let him get on with it. I messaged him on facebook today and he couldn't even be bothered to reply. Fuck it then, the idiot. I don't even need him in my life. I was doing just fine before he came along, and I'm doing fine now too.
I talked to Daniel about him. At first he was liek yeah I'm so happy for you. Then I told him about everything, like all the other things going on, and he made me pinky promise to him that I would stay away. So I might aswell now. What's the point getting into something like this? Someone who throws a strop and takes himself out of my life everytime things don't go his way. Tut. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe he really is hurt over my freaking out episode, and he's protecting himself. Why am I stopping him from protecting himself. Maybe this is the best thing for him. I should be strong and let him be. I will be strong. Besides I have somthing more important to focus on now. I've been talking to that guy, Billy, a lot recently. I think it has to do with us both being extremely bored at home. But I do have the most inspiring conversations with him and even when I don't want to talk to him I find he ropes me in with something more interesting. I have no attraction for him, he is certainly not a superman candidate, he does make me question or reiterate my beliefs. Today the subject was the power of suggestion. You know the subconscious is the most information absorbing thing ever. Without your conscious awareness it sees things we miss, and controls us in ways we know not. I've been researching it all day. I know that with my Psychology Degree I want to pursue a career that enhances my knowledge in Neuro-linguistic programming. I can be whoever I want to be and have the effect that I want on other people by mastering my subconscious and understanding it better. The best way to master your subconscious is to meditate, so I'm starting there. In this house it's near impossible, but early morning or late at night I will do it. Maybe the creative outcomes of my meditating experiences will be posted in my Dream Splog.
If you're interested in self-hypnosis and the power of suggestion check out this website which I found really useful Will William's Website. Oh and please feel free to share any of your self-hypnosis experiences, I'm sort of intrigued by the whole idea. Will keep you posted on how it all goes.