Saturday, 13 August 2011

Dear Sooperman,

"I just tried to close the door to it, I don't think I can live up to the expectations"

That's the last thing you told me. And I stare at this closed door wishing. But for what I don't know. Either way, don't think your absence has gone unnoticed. When you came into my life, and when I truly started cherishing the  time I spent with you was during one of the most hardest and horrible moments of my life. And you were a light at the end of the tunnel. You were my superman then. You stopped me falling and you carried me to safety, and put me back on my own two feet again. You did help me and now, in hindsight, more than you'll probably ever know and for that I owe you at least an explanation.

The moments I will never ever forget, talking to you until the sun came up about the most amazing things, God and Fate and Destiny. I found myself so comfortable talking to you and feeling like the conversation should never end. On the train when we caught each others' eye. Walking through Kings Cross hand in hand, and the way my stomach flipped and you left tingles on my skin any time your skin made contact with mine. Smiling half asleep seeing your text telling me your home.

I know you closed the door now. If this was a movie they would be zooming out of me so quick it'd make the viewer slightly dizzy until I was just a tiny little speck. And maybe that's fine. Yes I got scared. Once our liking for each other was established things were moving way too quick. Maybe I should have lied to you and not let you know how scared I really was. But I met your mum and your sister too because I thought that's what would make you happy. And then things were so up and down. I guess all the fake Superman's and Lex Luthors have made me too cynical.

I don't blame you for giving up so quickly. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (The Ex) probably made me distrust people to the extent that I pushed even you away. And maybe it's better this way anyway, less pain with unspoken words huh? I never meant to push you away, for the better part I really hoped you could be my superman and I had finally found you. But maybe all of this was to teach me that I had to let the good guys in. Just I don't really get it to be honest. Let the good guys in, and they turn out to be the ones that hurt you, and try and figure out who the bad guys are and you throw out the good guy. Lol well I've just screwed this one up. Actually no I haven't. I can't beat myself up about every guy that can't be asked. I put up those barriers for a reason, to see who would stick it out and who wouldn't. And I'm sorry that I'm not the type of girl you thought I was, but This Is Me. I need assurance a hundred times over that your in it for the right reasons, and if you find that that is too much, then maybe you are saving you and me both some serious heart ache. The whole point of my blog was to make sure that I didn't settle for second best. I want a guy who can love me as much as I love him, and who would miss me as much as I would miss him.

You say you don't meet my expectations. After my ex I wasn't aware I had high if at all any expectations. All I ask is that you have the right intentions and that you are honest with me, and when you were it always worked for you. And for us, when it existed. I don't expect to be dominated but rather treated like an equal, because I was bought up that way. I never expected anything off of you anyway. And I don't now, especially now that you want out.

Then you asked me if I had a potential guy in my life. As it stands right now? No. I find comfort in knowing that if it was meant to be then it would be.

I'm sorry for wasting your time, and I hope, one day you find your Sooperwoman and she is everything that you deserve.

 Lots of Love,

Miss Superman xxx

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