Friday, 9 September 2011

New leaf.

It's crazy just how grounded I feel. Touch wood as I say this though. I told Helen about Jack and I feel a lot better being honest about the feelings I never knew I even had. Talking to him is different too because I was able to tell him I'm not that type of girl who'll just sleep with him. It's not what I'm looking for anymore. I miss being loved and having someone to love and that's what I'm looking for now. I'm surprised because I thought that'd be it once I made the boundaries clear but he's stuck around still talking sometimes more on the level than before too. He told me that he misses Helen too and that he'd be around the flat more :) would b interesting to see how it all plays out.

Bernard is doing my head in with his games. I want him to be straight with me, but I know I ain't ever going to get that from him so I just really want him to leave my life. Things r beginning to look up for my ex, he's hopefully got into uni. So happy for him, but our summer thing will be just that. I know it won't develop to anything else and I don't want it to. I want to enjoy my new found independence and let him focus on his own successes. At the end of the day I know he and I will end up together when we are ready. Right now he's not the guy I fell in love with. And I'm probably not the girl he fell in love with either. Talked to
Daniel the other day too. I just can't be asked with that boy anymore. He's just a nobody to me now.

When I go back to uni I'm looking to do quite a few things with my new found self. I'm applying for a supervisor job at primark, which I don't expect to get, but I'm still going up try my upmost hardest to aim for it. Also need to lose like two stones. I'm nearing like 10 stones which is disgustingly scary. Go back to my size 8 figure. Try and get my dog. Meet loadsa new people. Go out more. No moping!!!! Aim to pass my driving and get a second job at uxbridge. Not once did I feel lonely when I was at home. And want this feeling to last as I go into uni. 1 week left at home before I go back. scary stuffs. Eeeeeeek so excited to go back with the new me. My monsters from last year will no longer haunt me

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