Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Jay A.K.A The Ex

So the ex decides that as soon as I'm with someone that I actually like he wants me back. So silly really because he doesn't even want me, he doesn't love me he just doesn't want me to be with anyone else, because he doesn't want to be on his own. And I'm stupid because every time he tells me how he's always going to be here trying to win me back, even though I know he doesn't really mean any of it, there's a tiny part of me that hopes that I will get the guy I once loved back. But then thinking about it I probably still love him, otherwise why bother being so pathetic to hope for the impossible.

The more I fought against him, and tried to cut him out once and for all, the hard he held on, and the harder I found it to see any good in the relationship with Rob. When he's being my Jay, the boy I fell in love with, it's hard for me to see any good in a relationship that would never compare to what I once had. But soon as I gave him any hope it became clear that he didn't want me back. He just wanted to makesure he still had me right where he wanted me. I gave him the chance to come and see me and as usual he just couldn't be bothered.

So for new years eve I made it my new years resolution to not talk to him ever unless it's about the money he owes me. I'm never going to give him that satisfaction that he has a hold over me. Because he don't. It's the 3rd day of 2012, so far so good. On top of that I've been sort of healthy, I haven't been eating meat much and I've been drinking my water and ha ing mu fruit and veg. Hopefully by the end of this year I can become fully vegetarian. My mum and my ex keep going on about how fat I'm getting, and I can't stand it anymore. I miss being slim. I don't think I'm fat, but if everyone's saying it, maybe I am. I don't know I have been eating a lot of junk lately. Just need to work on budgeting money better as well.

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